Strictly Business
by Loves Ironic Tragedy
Summary: Pit/Samus Oneshot FTW! Started writing it in April, gave up and 'finished' it. Romance because of how they feel, Friendship because of how they are, K because narrator insults people sometimes..


Strictly Business

Pit sidled along the wall down the hallway, his head turning this way and that, trying to keep his cover. _She's not going to find me_, he promised emptily. _She's not actually going to kill me. _His words were hollow in his head, as he could not convince himself that Samus was _not_ going to sneak up behind him, tackle him then claim that he lost the game.

Playing games with Samus was a lot like having sex with a fat person—at first you were really scared and wondering why you were about to do this. By the end you were begging for mercy and regretting every single second of the last hour.

Pit adored Samus; most people refused to believe that she had a heart since they could not see it. They could not see it even through the Zero Suit. Despite the fact that all of the other Smashers aside from Pit and Ike only saw Samus as an ass-kicking sex object, the two that did not knew how emotional she could be and she was pretty damn deep. Samus was more open with Pit than Ike because Ike had his head so far up his rear that he could never help Samus with her anger management issues. Pit, on the other hand, was fair, nonjudgmental, and all-around sweet.

The brunette angel continued down the hall, watching his back every step of the way. When he finally made it into the main room, he was scared. It was dead quiet. Nothing stirred when he stepped. No sounds were made, not even from his footsteps. The calm was eerie. He had the sense to know that Samus was in there. She had to be. It was just way too quiet. Also, whenever you played a game with Samus, she took it upon her lovely little self to have people clear out of whatever area you were going to play in. Distractions were a major no-no in her book. If someone that was not Pit-since most of the time Pit played along-walked in, someone's ass was going to be kicked.

_Just a little bit further…_ Pit mentally whispered, desperately wanting to make it to the home-free base, which was a couch in front of the cobblestone fireplace. Luckily for him, it was just on the other side of the room. All that was left was to cross without Samus getting him. _I can do this. She isn't going to get me._

He spend a few more seconds trying to convince himself that he was going to win, but the poor, naïve, winged-boy was sadly mistaken. Samus always won. No one could beat her at her own game or any other.

Meanwhile, Samus was waiting right beyond the couch, lying on the ground, out of her friend's line of vision. She had rope at the ready so she could tie him up and force him to stay on the couch. Samus loved Pit. Whether it was a brother-sister love or a _love_ love, she did not know. She never felt love of any kind before meeting her two best friends. Undoubtedly, she would keep them for life. Not even being in three different worlds would change that. She cared more about Pit than Ike, though. In her eyes, Ike was an oaf. He was clueless, stubborn, and blunt as a bat. The guy needed to learn some manners and she took pleasure in teaching him _her_ way—the way that involved shock collars and rope. Lots and lots of rope…

With her ear pressed to the ground as if she were Snake, Samus listened and felt for vibrations and Pit's light steps. For someone who had grown to her height-easily a foot and a half-in a little under a year, Pit was no heavier, apparently, as his steps were delicate. He was fragile. He was _vulnerable._

Innocence was Pit's biggest weakness; that and all things cute, anyway. He was an angel. His personality would probably always be like that. If one day he suddenly turned around and became masculine, Samus would keel over and pray he was the one to wake the sleeping beauty. In a way, Pit was already strong enough and _man_ enough for Samus, who was some-kind of woman. She was a beast and she might not have known it, but that did not matter to him. She was still herself, which was more than she could say for all of those who tried to pretend like they were better than they actually were. Oh, no; Samus was brutally honest to the point that it caused her to come across as conceited and bitchy.

After two minutes that felt like days, Samus finally heard one of Pit's steps. It was somewhat loud. He was close. He probably felt safe. Samus smirked evilly. One little falter and she knew he was right where he was supposed to be. Poor, predictable Pit; the falter had been purely accidental. Or so Samus _thought_.

The sounds and vibrations disappeared altogether, leaving the large room silent once more. Samus glared at the floor, not wanting to prolong her victory for any more time than she already had. She sighed.

She blinked a couple times, readied her rope and her strange electric whip that she used, and leaped to her feet. Pit was about two feet from the couch. A couple steps and he would be free. _No! _Samus yelled in her head. Putting the smirk back on her face, she did it all in one light-speed movement. He did not even see it coming.

First it was the whip: she hit him with it, which stunned him and momentarily paralyzed him in shock, fear, and pain—sharp, stinging, _pain._

Then she jumped over the couch and grabbed him by the forearm. She yanked him just out of any immediate reach of the couch.

Finally, she trapped him by winding the rope around his torso and arms, leaving him unable to move his upper half. She figured she did not need to tie up his feet; the game was over. She won.

Pit blinked, not entirely sure what to say. He was busy staring at the smug smile on Samus' face.

"I win again," she said proudly, taking a few breaths.

Pit took the moments that she closed her eyes to take in everything about the sexy woman in the Zero Suit. Her hair was down to her waist, even in a high ponytail. What he would give to take it out and watch it all ripple down her back like water… Her face had more sharp edges than soft lines, but in a beautiful, oddly elegant way. Her body… Oh, her body. It was long and lean, tall and thin. Every curve was flawlessly smooth. Every limb was flattered by that suit, showcasing her thin-yet-strong arms and legs like they were trophies in a case. They would not be just any trophies though; they would be molded from platinum with ivory and silver accents—colors and materials so pure that it could put Pit's homeland to shame.

He felt a blush creeping across his cheeks, turning him an embarrassingly light shade of pink.

"Pit, stop staring. It's rude," she told him with a smile, reaching to untie the rope.

"Good game," the angel said mindlessly, brain still fixated on the image of Samus it was playing with.

The blonde raised an eyebrow while she unknotted the restraints she had minutes before wrapped around her friend. She struggled to figure out what, exactly, Pit was thinking as his face started to turn the color of Kirby. That silly boy. Or maybe he could finally be considered a man, what with how much older he was getting. Though his face appeared childish as ever, everything else about him was slowly growing up and that frightened Samus when she realized what it might mean…

Her childlike friendship, her silly persona that hides behind a bright orange suit and even deeper under a blue Zero Suit would disappear. If Pit grew up, there would be no one else. Crap. This made her upset. Now she regretted beginning untying the ropes. She wished she could inauspiciously keep them there and wallow in self-pity while Pit waited for her to chill and go back to being a goof. But the way things were looking, that might never happen again. It was the most discouraging moment Samus had since Ike decided that he wasn't gay. All of her jokes, all of her diabolical plans, all of the fun times she planned with her gay friend were thwarted. Yet this—this was the disappointment of the century. It was even possibly the disappointment of the millennium. No. No it wasn't. It was not _that_ bad. Or at least it would not be that bad until it actually happened. _That_ would be bad. _That_ would be horrifying at epically proportioned levels.

_Nah,_ she told herself. _That won't happen…_

**A/N:** Quite frankly, I spent forever not finishing this and now it's disappointingly short. **Yes** I realize the ending cuts off at a completely awkward point. _Yes_ I realize it's low-quality work. **No** I don't care because it took me two months to even get to a point where I would publish it. _No_ the title does not relate to the story. Just throwing all that out there. Also, if you want an epilogue, in short I was going to continue it so that it _did_ in fact happen and Samus would be extremely disappointed but throughout Smash Tournaments they would always hold soft-spots in their hearts for each other. How cute, right? I know. It grosses me out too.


End file.
